Broken Dreams and Shattered Souls
by Landlady of the Universe
Summary: No more missions mean no more use for the Gundam Pilots. Is there anything left for one lone soldier to live for? Complete
1. Prologue: Wufei

Landlady: I'm back!

Gundam Pilots: *groan*

Landlady: Ok, I promise that I'm still working on A Captured Angel, but I got a little stuck on it, so this came out instead.  Eventually it's gonna be a romance, can you guess who Wufei will be paired up with?  Please review, and let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: Why would I write fics about something I own? Obviously, I don't.

Broken Dreams and Shattered Souls

Prologue

How long has it been since the end of the war?  The days all run together now, the monotony of the days makes them blend into one another, only broken by periods of light and darkness, until I no longer have any clue of what the date might be.  During really bad periods, I have no idea of the month either.  Not that it matters, I live in the past these days.

Occasionally I am brought out of my state of disreality by some important event or other, times where I am forced to realize the real world around me.  And every time, I ask myself why.  Why am I here?  Why is reality so cruel?  Soon, I began to repeat myself like a broken record, and my exhausted mind beats itself back into my dream world before I go insane.

I dream of that often, the insanity.  I often fear that I will end up taking the eternal plunge.  I don't want to die; I tell myself that I have too many things to do.  Yet I start to wonder.  What can be so important that someone else cannot do it?  Why not take that plunge?  The question constantly rings through my mind.  Some day, I might not be able to find an answer, what will happen then?

*^*^*^*^*

"Wufei, can I talk to you for minute?"

Wufei looked up from his paper-piled desk.  Sally stood just inside the door to his office, as if she was afraid to step in any further.  Odd, she'd never had any compunctions about barging in uninvited before.  And he'd never seen such a peculiar look on her face.  He immediately identified it as worry, but there wasn't anything in particular for her to be worried about, they'd been at peace for almost a year now, and there had been no serious Preventer missions for several months.  In fact, things had been so slow that Heero had finally quit.  Rumor had it that he had moved in with Duo.  That was the last he'd heard of either of his fellow pilots.  Quatre was on the news now and again, having taken up his father's mantle, and Trowa had disappeared in that quiet way of his, probably back to his life in the circus.

"Sure, have a seat."  Contrary to popular belief, Wufei didn't have a problem with treating women like human beings.  After all, that's what they were, and even though his custom dictated that women were weaker –which for the most part was true- it never said that the female sex should be treated rudely.

Sally did as he'd suggested, carefully settling down into the chair that Wufei had for visitors.  Not that he ever got any.

She seemed to steal herself for what she was about to say.  "I- We are worried about you, Wufei.  You're listless, you don't eat enough, you never smile, and you generally don't take care of yourself. In short, you are showing signs of depression."

Wufei's head snapped up, and he gaped.  He hadn't been expecting that.

"Who's 'we'?"  It was the only semi rational thing he could think of at the moment.  _Depressed?  A little down maybe, but I wouldn't go so far as to say I was depressed._

"Lady Une and I," Sally was saying, "and a few others, mostly Preventers that you trained."

"Oh."

Sally looked at the younger man with a tender expression on her face.  "I think it would be best if you see a psychologist, or a counselor at the least.  You need some help Wufei.  What would happen on a mission if you…"

Wufei stood up suddenly, cutting her off.  "Hold **on**.  This is all about my mission performance?  Open your eyes, woman, there are **no more missions**."

"Wufei, it's just that…"

"I don't want your excuses.  If you and Une don't think I can perform, than I quit.  I'm **obviously** not needed here anymore."

Grabbing a lone picture frame off of his desk, Wufei strode out of the room.  He would never look back.

*^*^*^*^*

Sally went immediately to inform Lady Une of Wufei's decision.  Une listened quietly while Sally recounted their conversation in detail.

"Well," Une said once she'd finished, "what do you suggest we do?"

"**Me**?"

"You are the doctor.  Wufei is more than my employee, he is my **friend** and I'm sure yours as well, but I am wholly at a loss of what to do for him."

Sally sighed and plopped down in a chair.  "Frankly, I don't have much more of an idea than you.  A psychologist won't do any good if he isn't willing to go, but it's the best chance I can think of."  She paused.  "I think … I'll drop by later on, and try to talk to him again.  Under the circumstances, it's the only thing we can do."

Une nodded slowly, "Sounds good, but why not go now?"

Sally shrugged, "I don't think he would appreciate it if he thought I was harassing him.  He wouldn't listen, you **know** how stubborn he is."  Une nodded in sympathy, they had both had their separate memorable run-ins with Wufei's infamous pig-headedness.  "I'm just worried that in his state of mind he'll try something drastic."

---------

As she'd said she would, Sally dropped by Wufei's apartment when she got off work.  With her she carried a bag of groceries, all Wufei's favorites.  If she couldn't get him to go to a doctor, then she was determined to make sure that he knew he wasn't alone.  And that included feeding him.

As she walked up the stairs, Sally took note of what else she was going to do to help her friend.  Getting him out of this apartment was on top of her list.  The place did a fairly good imitation of the generic safehouse that he probably spent a lot of time in during the war.

Turning the corner, Sally dropped her groceries in surprise.

Wufei's door was wide open.

Sally knew Wufei, and this was totally unlike him.  Cursing the idea that checking up on him later was a **good** idea, Sally sprinted the few feet to the door and grabbed the frame to swing herself inside.  Fearing the worst she quickly scanned the room … and the kitchen … and the bedroom; she even ventured into the bathroom.

**Nothing**.  Unless you counted the general uncharacteristic mess that pervaded the place.  The floor was strewn with random objects, but there was a precise order about the chaos that said it had been Wufei, not some random burglar.  It didn't take Sally long to realize what had happened.  When she did, she practically fell onto the bed, resting her head in her hands in despair.

Wufei had left.  And it would be almost impossible to find him if he didn't want to be found.

"Gods bless you Wufei, where ever you are …and stay safe."

Review if you want this to continue; I need a least five reviews to continue, or better yet, if anyone can guess who I'm gonna pair 'Fei up with then I'll definitely finish.  Thanks.  -Landlady


	2. Prologue: Trowa

Here's the second part of the prologue.  Sorry it's so short, but it's just setting the stage for what's to come.

B0b: Do you even know what that is?

LL: Well, no.  But I'm always open for suggestions…

B0b: *cough*pitifulsuckup*cough*

Disclaimer: You people are determined to torture me, aren't you? (B0b: *with a very large bump on his head* you deserve it, you sadist.) I am not a sadist! Well, only a little. Oh yea, and I don't own them.

Thanks: Yea, thanks to all who reviewed.  I've really liked this story so far, and it seems that you do to.  So really, seriously, thanks. *sniffles* I feel so loved! (B0b: I knew she couldn't stay serious, I just knew it.) Oh and congrats to Jade Marquise!  Not only did she guess right, but she also gave valid reasons why no one else could be paired with Wu (although she didn't mention that Trieze couldn't be paired with him cuz he's dead. But I guess that's not worth mentioning).  Good show, wot? Oh and everybody go read Anoni's fic Roleplay, it's very good. (he, he, shameless plug, do I get paid for that?) And to Dee Kayy, deathwraith, Nezumi, Emcron, and Lit Tenshi for their encouragement and suggestions.

Broken Dreams and Shattered Souls

Prologue: Trowa

i, the Silent Clown,

tend to sit and frown

i wonder what the life is like,

beyond this prison, Black and White

i never smile,

i never cry,

no one will weep,

the day i die

i, the Silent Clown,

hang myself

up off the ground

It was 2:32 AM.  Trowa was wide-awake.  The phone was ringing.

Well, actually, it was beeping, but that was its equivalent to a ring.  Sighing, he got up, silent as ever, and padded toward the phone.

"Hello?" Trowa asked cautiously, the screen showed nothing more than a blank wall.  Then suddenly, without warning, an overly cheerful blond popped up.  It wasn't noticeable, but Trowa brightened at seeing this particular person again, even if it **was** at two in the morning.

"Trowa?  How are you? How's Catherine?  How are thing going for you?"  Trowa smiled a ghost of a smile and answered succinctly: he was fine, Cathy was fine, things were fine, and how were things on his end.  Quatre's smile got brighter, if that was possible.  "I'm great!  Why is it so dark there?"

Trowa fought to keep from chuckling.  He'd missed his blond angel so much, of course Quatre wouldn't think that he was half a world away, he'd just call to say hi.  Over the past year, he'd kept in contact with Quatre off and on.  He would call to say hi, or Quatre would call to tell him how his new puppy, 'Sandrock', was doing.  Just a few days ago, Trowa had come to a startling revelation: he loved Quatre.  Hence his insomnia.  He'd just been waiting for the right moment to tell him.  He hadn't exactly wanted to tell him over the phone, but somehow, it seemed right.

"Oh, guess what?" Quatre asked, apparently forgetting his former question.

"What?"

"I'm getting married!"

Trowa suddenly understood what people meant by hearts breaking.  Still, he hid his feelings well.  "That's great.  Who's the lucky girl?"

"It's a guy."  Trowa's heart broke a little more, if that was even possible.

"Who's the guy then?  Is it someone I know?"

Quatre's mouth looked as though it was going to stretch itself off his face, he was smiling so wide.  "You better believe it!  It's Heero!"

Trowa choked.  That set him off into a violent coughing fit.  "Are you alright Trowa?"

He straightened, "I'm fine.  I've been a bit sick lately.  Heero?  I thought he was with Duo."  The last that anyone had heard of Heero was when he quit Preventer and moved to L2 to live with Duo.

Quatre laughed and waved his hand to dismiss that thought.  "Oh no, Duo's with Hilde.  Heero was just staying with him for a little while after he left Preventer until he got a place of his own.  I met him there when I was on L2 on a business trip and went to visit Duo and Hilde.  Things just happened from there, and now we're getting married!  Isn't that great?"  Through all of this, Trowa was forced to grit his teeth and listen.  He had learned long ago that it was impossible to shut the blond terror up once he was on a roll.

"That's wonderful Quatre.  I wish you luck.  Now I have to go, it's very late here and we are moving tomorrow."  Quatre visited Duo?  He had never come to see **him** when he was in the area.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you are in a different time zone.  But there was one more thing I have to ask you, it the reason I called.  We aren't having a big ceremony, just going down and getting the certificate.  It'll minimize the scandal, you know.  Heero's **officially** becoming my bodyguard.  Anyway, I wanted you to come be a witness, next June, if you can, I know you're busy with the circus and all, but you are my best friend and I know you'd be insulted if I didn't ask."  What could he say?  Quatre had turned that liquid blue puppy dog stare that he never could resist on him.

"I'll be there."  Trowa hung up without saying goodbye.  With Quatre, that was a first.

*^*^*^*^*

Too much.

It was just too much for Trowa to take all at once.  **Quatre** was getting **married** … to **Heero**, which was especially shocking when he took into consideration the fact that he had previously thought that **Duo** and Heero were together.  And to top it all off, Duo, whom **everyone** had thought was gay -or at least bi-, was **straight**, and dating Hilde as well!  And **Quatre** was getting **married** to **Heero**!  His brain seemed very averse to accepting that fact.  Even though he had agreed to be a witness at the wedding.

What was he going to do?  Trowa wasn't entirely sure if he could take witnessing Heero and Quatre exchange vows.  His head thumped down on the table next to the phone in despair.  Quatre didn't love him; he loved Heero.  Quatre marrying Heero; Heero marrying Quatre.  These thoughts wound through his sleep-deprived brain until he began to sound like a broken record.

Finally, Trowa couldn't take it anymore.

--------

"Trowa?" Catherine called as she knocked on his trailer door.  "Come on, Trowa!  You can't **still** be asleep.  Remember, we're leaving today."  When Trowa still didn't answer, Catherine opened the door, only slightly remembering to be surprised that it was unlocked.

Trowa was gone.  It wasn't that hard to figure out really, once she'd stepped inside.  The trailer didn't exactly do a good impression of a ten-bedroom mansion; you could spin in place and get a clear view of the entire thing.

Catherine bit her lip nervously.  She knew for a fact that he hadn't come out yet, she'd looked everywhere before coming here.  So where could he be?  Knowing that Trowa would kill her if he ever found out, Catherine began to search through his stuff, looking for a clue, however small, to where he had gone.

A drawer that she was sure had a few pictures and a reasonable amount of emergency money was empty.  Some of Trowa's spare collection of clothes was missing.  There was no note, no message of any sort to say where he went, or why.

Catherine sat down carefully in a rickety chair, choking back a sob.  "Trowa?  Why?"  In the year since the war with the Barton Foundation, Trowa hadn't once even **talked** of leaving the circus again.  Why would he now?

You know, I noticed something… (B0b: *mutters* as if we care) every time I rewrite an English essay, the next night I write a chapter of this.  Weird, ne? (Of course, notice that it's all depressing…)

Review, and you too can me mentioned in my fic! Oh, yea, and as always I'll review something of yours too.


	3. The darkness that consumes me...

Landlady: *to B0b* Why didn't you tell me you were asexual?!!!

B0b: *discreetly runs away like the coward he is as Landlady notices the readers*

Landlady: Oh hi everyone!  Sorry about that, I just found out from Marika Webster (go read her fics!) that B0b's reproducing. *sighs* Poor 'Rika if Sox turns out to be anything like B0b.

Anyway, sorry it took me so long to get this out.  My muse that-shall-not-be-named was being a lazy bum.  But we're here now, so everything's ok!  Umm, sort of.  I really have absolutely no idea where this is going, so ideas are great.  Come on!  Landlady can't write romances, give her a hand!

Disclaimer: Didn't we cover this already?  I don't own them other than as my sex slaves.  (Lords, I can't believe I just said that.  Someone tell me I didn't just say that.)

Thanks (and other stuff): Thanks to everyone who reviewed: deathwraith, Kuraichan, Jenihenpen, Emcron, Anoni, Anoni (he, he), and Leia Skywalker.  I've got a few responses:

To **deathwraith**: Sorry about the 2xH, but it just kinda turned out that way. As far as I know right now, those two aren't in this story, so you can pretend that the pairing isn't there.  And blame it on B-, uh, you-know-who.  It's all his fault! To **Jenihenpen**: First of all, cool name!  Again, sorry about the 1x4 thing, it just came out.  Blame the muse.

To **Emcron** and **Anoni** and everyone else who was surprised by the way things turned out: So was I.  But hey, that's the fun part of writing right?  And it was supposed to be unexpected, so I'm glad you all reacted the way you did.  One of these days I will actually be able to write well enough to be published!  *skips off happily*

One last important announcement: FFN tends to be a bit sporadic about my postings, so if you want to be e-mailed when I update, let me know in a review or e-mail me at navia5@yahoo.com.  Thankies! 

Chapter 1: The darkness that consumes me…

It was a nice picture.  Wufei traced lightly over the glass with his finger.  Quatre … Heero … Duo … himself … Trowa … even Relena was there.  They were all smiling; Wufei remembered it like it was yesterday.  The war was over and won.  The world was well on its way to peace.  No one wondered what the soldiers were going to do; no one cared.  He hadn't cared.  It was a nice picture, of happier times.

Wufei turned the frame over and flipped the catch that held the back in place.  An entirely different face looked up at him.  She was not smiling; she was scowling.  Beautiful nonetheless, Merian looked up at the camera as if she was about to impale the picture taker with the sword she so delicately held.  Wufei traced a finger over the face of his dead wife, sighed, and put the picture frame away.

Briefly, the thought passed though his mind that he should eat something, but he pushed the thought aside for later.  He wasn't really hungry anyway.  Thirsty though.

He was sitting on the floor, his back against the bed of a small hotel room.  As he stood, Wufei grabbed onto the mattress to steady himself.  Once he was up, the ex-pilot padded off toward the small bathroom, ignoring the roach-motel surroundings.

After the rust had washed out of the faucet and the water from the tap ran clear, Wufei filled a glass and drank half of its contents in one gulp.  The other half went down a bit slower.  When he was done, he set the glass into the sink and set about cleaning up his room since he wasn't about to let the hotel maid do it.  She didn't like him too much.

Once he was done, Wufei went to bed, regardless of the fact that it was two in the afternoon.

---------

He woke in a cold sweat.  Nightmares, the kind that took no form but fear floated fresh in his mind, reveling in the dark.  Wufei looked at the clock; it was well after ten.

Despite the muggy feeling that came with just waking up, Wufei sprung out of bed.  Making his way to the bathroom, however, was a little bit harder.  He stumbled a few times and almost tripped over his duffel bag, but he did make it.  Violently wrenching at the cold water tap, he ignored the rusty water as he splashed some on his face.

Rusty water really hurts when it gets in your eyes, as Wufei soon found out.  _You know you're tired when you forget to close your eyes when you splash water on your face._

"Kuso!" he cried, although the exclamation didn't hold as much vehemence as it once had.  With bleary eyes he noticed that the water was now running clear, but as he reached down to the running stream, a white pain wrenched its way up his wrist.

Wufei looked down in amazement.

*^*^*^*^*

Trowa looked up … and up to the top of a skyscraper at the heart of Houston.  Boldly across the side, it proclaimed: Winner Corporation.  Shouldering his bag and taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door and stepped inside.

The young man at the front desk was more than willing to help … as long as he didn't move far beyond the threshold.  Not that Trowa looked particularly reputable at the moment.  He hadn't exactly dressed his best when fleeing his circus haven, and as a result he was clad in a pair of scruffy work jeans and an old t-shirt he had borrowed once from one of the tightrope walkers.

_Not exactly a part of the usual social group I suppose_, Trowa thought wryly as he watched the boy at the desk grow more nervous by the minute.  He found out why when he passed a mirror.  The lack of sleep for the past few days seemed to have taken its toll; he looked like a drug addict just from the size of the dark circles under his eyes.

"Relax," he said to the desk clerk, letting a slight hint of amusement enter his tone, "I just want to drop this off."  He held up a slim envelope.  The clerk nodded, and took it when it was offered.  "Will you see that it gets to Quatre Winner?"

"Quatre Winner?  But how did you know he'd …" The boy looked up, and Trowa was gone.

*^*^*^*^*

Blood looks black in the moonlight.  Wufei had spilt enough of his under the stars to know.  So when he looked down at the wrenching line up his wrist, he knew immediately that the black stuff oozing from it was blood.

He looked down at the sink, but there wasn't enough light to tell anything definite.  The best thing he could come up with was that the glass he had put into the sink had broken somehow, and when he reached down, he had cut himself on the edge.  Funny thing was, it didn't really hurt.

There sure was a lot of blood.  It was already gathering into a little puddle on the floor.  Wufei watched, fascinated, as fresh drops continuously disrupted the surface.  His gaze then wandered to his wrist, and he watched in adverse entrancement as the blood flowed down his arm to land in the aforementioned puddle.

Vaguely, the thought that this much blood **outside** of his body was a bad thing pushed at his mind.  But Wufei simply couldn't grasp onto that, so the thought receded, and Wufei was left to watch as the blackness over took him.

*^*^*^*^*

"I'm telling you, I'm perfectly fine!" Trowa protested violently as he was forcibly dragged into the hospital.  Two cops trailed in behind him, one with a broken nose and an eye that was just beginning to blacken.  "I don't need a check-up!"  
"Of course not, Mr. Barton," a paramedic said with strained patience, "We just want to make sure.  According to the cops you were getting pretty roughed up."

"They just caught me off guard that's all," Trowa replied before he realized what he was saying.  He had always been the passive one, content to let others do what they wanted.  But here he was, arguing about getting a simple medical exam of all things.  Trowa never did like hospitals much after the war.  It was more than likely that the others didn't either.  Especially Duo, he had **never** liked hospitals, even before he'd spent some time in OZ's 'company'.  Trowa could just imagine the chaos that Duo would cause if he were there with him.

Duo.  The thought of his fellow pilot brought up memories of a certain blond that Trowa **didn't** want to think about at the moment.  The medics, on the other hand, were just glad that he had finally shut up and was letting them examine him.

"I'm surprised Mr. Barton, you've barely a scratch," a female doctor said when she was done.

Trowa turned to the woman and said impassively, "I've had worse."  Ignoring her shock, he stood and began to gather his things.  "I'm going now," he said to the two cops, who were in the process of having their wounds checked out.  "If that's all right with you."

"Actually, Mr. Barton, we need you to come down to the station and make a statement," the uninjured cop replied.

Trowa narrowed his eyes.  "I don't have time to press charges," he warned.  When the officer made to protest, the former Heavyarms pilot pointed to the other cop, "He can do it in my place."

The cop never got to protest as at that very moment, the door to the ER burst open and a gurney was wheeled through.  At least, Trowa assumed it was a gurney; the paramedics and doctors were so jammed packed around it that the gurney itself couldn't be seen.  But one paramedic was holding up an IV bag of blood, and another a heart monitor.  The latter suddenly began to screech for attention.

"Shit!  He's going, we're gonna have to crack him!"

"Get him to the trauma room, now!"

Behold the miracle of the parting of the red sea of doctors.

Trowa stood suddenly as a black head came into view.  An almost familiar black head.

No.  It couldn't be.

Could it?

"Wufei?!"

Sorry this was so short!  I couldn't think of any way to make it longer.  Hope you liked; please review.


	4. ... may be my savior.

Landlady: Ha ha ha! I am the queen of evil cliffhangers!

J0rge: Actually, *I* am.

Landlady: Meet J0rge. B0b's spreading again. *sighs* At least this one's cute.

B0b: And I'm not?

Landlady: I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer.

Disclaimer: Don't own, I'm off to eat dinner now.

Thanks to all who reviewed.

Chapter 2: …may be my savior.

Why?  Why had he hacked into his former love's files to find his schedule?  He would never know.  Why he had gone out of his way to precede him to this God-forsaken city, he didn't want to know.  It seemed an odd thing to do: giving the one who broke his heart one final letter, even though he never wanted to see him again.

But Trowa would not regret it.

*^*^*^*^*

"Wufei?!" Trowa exclaimed softly, leaping up off the bed that he'd been sitting on.  Ignoring the odd looks from the two cops he'd come in with, Trowa let his long stride take him to a paramedic that had hung back, knowing there was nothing more she could do for the Chinese boy.  Trowa felt a stab of pity for her; she was nothing more than a girl, to be exposed to such death.  But he pushed it away, unlike he and his comrades, she had **chosen** this path, and she was saving lives not taking them.

He caught her by the arm as she turned to leave.  "What happened?" he asked, keeping his voice soft.  Soldier's instinct told him not to panic; it wouldn't do any good.

"I'm sorry, but legally I can't tell you," she replied, defiant despite the fact that she was almost a foot shorter than he and his dangerous stare that just happened to be directed at her.

Trowa sighed, but inaudibly.  "Of course, but can you at least tell me his name?  I think I know him."

She gave him a rather disturbing stare that seemed to strip him bare before replying.  "His ID said that his name was Long Wufei." [1]

Trowa looked up, toward the room.  He'd been so sure … but then again, everyone knew of **Chang** Wufei, former Gundam pilot and Preventer.  If Wufei were on an undercover mission, he would want to try and hide that.

"That's him.  Now can you tell me?"

The girl, no woman, shook her head.  "Sorry.  But you'd better stick around, the police might want to talk to you."  Trowa heard a soft snicker behind him and turned to glare at the cops that he had only recently got away from.  But he was passive by nature and so simply nodded, and sat down to wait.

Minutes passed like hours.  And after a while a portly man in a uniform came up to him.

"Are you the one who says that he knows Long?"  Trowa nodded, choosing to remain silent.  The cop twitched before looking down at his pad.  "Have you ever noticed any signs of depression?"

_Depression?_ Trowa thought, puzzled.  Deciding it was a question best left for later, he said aloud, "No.  But I haven't seen him in …" Had it really been that long? "… almost a year."  The cop nodded, disappointed with the lack of information, and muttered something about giving him a call if Trowa had anything more to say.  A card was trust under his nose, and Trowa took it without really noticing.  The cop walked away.

_A year.  No wonder, Quat-_, Trowa swallowed, jerking away from that thought.  _I hadn't realized it had been that long.  Life went on.  The war was over, and life … just went on.  I think I was happy for the first time in my life.  I had –have- the circus, and Catherine …shit!  I didn't even leave a note._

*^*^*^*^*

Catherine was frantic.  Trowa was simply nowhere to be found.  She had searched the entire camp and surrounding area **twice** before they were finally forced to move on.  Once they were on the move, she tore apart his trailer, looking for any sign of where he had gone.  Nothing.  At least, not until she got desperate enough to search the phone records.

Last call: M3512749906  ended 2:50 AM.

Catherine sat back, deep in thought.  She didn't recognize the number, could it be from Preventers?

The thought struck her hard.  And she rocked back in the chair in anger before remembering that she wasn't in a rocking chair.  Before she realized what had happened, Catherine found herself looking at a very nice view of the ceiling.  

"Ow," she complained as she struggled to her feet and rubbed at the sore spot on her head.

Anger soon replaced the pain, however, as she remembered her Preventer theory.  Trowa had come to the circus to get away from the killing, damn it!  There was no way that she was going to let the Preventers take away his peace, no matter how much they needed him.  They could just find someone else.

Punching at the keypad of the phone, she continued to build up her innate protective anger, fully intending to chew out Lady Une.

"Good afternoon, WEI.  Hw may I direct your call?"  Catherine opened her mouth … and stopped short.  WEI?  That was Quatre's company.  Eyes narrowed.

"Can you tell me where Mr. Winner is today?"

"May I ask your name?" The secretary said politely, oblivious to the growing maniac light in the brunette's eyes.

"Catherine Bloom.  It's about a friend of his, Trowa Barton, and it's very important."

"Trowa Barton?" The woman paused, frowning it thought.  Finally she shrugged, "I guess it's all right.  Please hold."  The screen flickered to black for a moment, until…

"Catherine, what's wrong-?" Quatre began immediately as he came on screen.

"What the hell did you do to him, Quatre!" the circus star began without preamble.

"What-?"

"WHERE IS TROWA?!"

"He's not with you, but I just talked to him…" Quatre trailed off, sitting down suddenly.  Catherine was vaguely surprised to see Heero appear behind the blond protectively.

"I know you talked to him.  And he disappeared right after that!  What did you say?"  In her rage, Catherine was to distracted to be bothered by the murderous look in Heero's eyes.

"I- oh no."  Quatre stopped, turquoise eyes wide in horror.  _What have I done?_

*^*^*^*^*

Long black lashes blinked once, twice, clearing the blurriness from his eyes.

He hurt.  And on top of that, he had no idea where he was.  It was very white, though.  That meant something, but he had no idea what.  He was too tired to think.

Eyes slid closed, and he sunk into a blissful oblivion.

---------

Trowa watched calmly from the edge of the bed as Wufei's eyes slit open for a moment before closing again.

Suicide.  It had always been a possibility with the Gundam pilots.

_Somehow that doesn't seem to fit you Wufei,_ Trowa thought, _What's going on?_

He stood.  There was someone who would know for sure.

[1]- I'm not sure what Merian's maiden name was, but that's what that was supposed to be.


	5. The Meaning of Death

*peaks around the corner nervously* Umm, I'm back.  Don't kill me!  Sorry it took me so long, it's seems like it's been forever since I've updated this story.  I've just been so busy!

B0b: Yea right.

LL: Well I have. I've been working on a whole bunch of other stuff, plus school and all.  Oh and co-writing "The Adventures of Spiffiness and Spork" with Marika Webster.  Things just got away from me.  'Sides, I got all depressed and stuff with V-day, and I can't write when I'm depressed.  But hey, here it is!  And it's even semi-sappy! Go me!

J0rge: Your welcome.

Disclaimer: Nope don't own.  But I will as soon as I rule the world! *cough* I mean…

Thanks: Ok, I've got a lot since I didn't do these last time.

Thanks to Anoni, REI, deathwraith, Jenihenpen, Emcron, Lady Lilly, 'Rika (Spork!), St. Merialiss, and Nezumi.  You guys rock!

Anoni: The "How did you know he'd…" was going to say, "how did you know he'd be here?"

Chapter 3: The Meaning of Death

He was dreaming.  Surely it was a dream; this place was gone.  This field of flowers that Merian had died in had been destroyed with the rest of his home.  So this had to be a dream.

Right?

Wufei blinked … and the whole thing was gone.  Replaced, by a huge expanse of nothing.  Was he dead?  Or just dreaming?  But this couldn't be a dream; it hurt too much **not** to be real.  Was he dying?  Wasting away, ever so slowly while floating in this gray expanse of nothingness, all alone?  He didn't want to die like that.

All alone.

But he was the Solitary Dragon, destined to walk the path of justice by himself.

All alone.

He was scared, scared to die.

All alone.

*^*^*^*^*

Trowa frowned as the Chinese man twitched and muttered something behind his oxygen mask.  The Heavyarms pilot leaned forward, lifting the mask slightly, and listened.

"…don't wanna die alone…"

Trowa drew back sharply.   He sounded so vulnerable.  Who would have guessed that Wufei was afraid to die alone?  Without thinking about what he was doing, Trowa brushed the loose strands of hair away from the boy's forehead.  When he realized it, the clown snatched his hand away as if burned.  Wufei shifted uncomfortably and whimpered in his sleep.

Hesitantly, as if he were afraid of the consequences, Trowa rested his fingers lightly on the other's cheek.  Wufei instantly calmed down.  Trowa let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and buried his fingers in the silky ebony locks.  They were softer than he would have thought, and longer.  He had never before seen the Chinese boy's hair unbound.  Wufei had always been uptight about his appearance.  But Trowa found himself wondering why.  He liked his hair down; it made the Altron pilot look softer.

And God, he was obsessing over Wufei's hair!  He couldn't be that lonely could he?

The thought scared him.

From what the doctor had said, Wufei would be in a bad condition for a long time yet.  Trowa didn't know if Wufei would accept his help, but he intended to offer.  And he wouldn't take advantage of him.

Hell, he didn't even **like** him.

*^*^*^*^*

"Po here," Sally said without looking up from the report she was writing.

"It's Trowa."

This time the Preventer looked up.  "Barton," she began warily.  Of all the Gundam Pilots, she knew the least about this one.  "What can I do for you?"

"Is Wufei on a mission?"  Well, she now knew something about him.  He was straight to the point.  Still the question made her nervous.  What had happened to Wufei?

She thought it best to tell Trowa the truth.  "Wufei doesn't work for us anymore.  He hasn't for months."

Trowa was silent, but that was like him.  At least Sally thought it was.

"I see."

Sally couldn't contain herself any more.  "Have you seen him?  Is he all right?"

Trowa hesitated, "Yes … and no.  He's in a coma."  It seemed that the Silent One was brutally honest as well.

"What!?  What happened?"

"They think he tried to kill himself."  Sally sat down suddenly, stunned.  _Suicide, oh Wufei, if only you had allowed me to help._  "You know him better than I.  Did he have a reason?"  _How typical of a Gundam pilot,_ Sally thought through her shock, _not would he, but did he have a reason._

But what reason would he have?  Sure, he might have been depressed, but he was from the Dragon Clan.  He had pride, and honor and beliefs to follow, and Sally knew for a fact that one of the latter was that suicide was for weaklings.  Somehow she just couldn't see him losing those beliefs that had been ingrained in him from birth in such a short amount of time.

"I think that the only on who knows the answer to that is Wufei."

---------

Trowa sighed as he hung up after his conversation with Sally Po.  He really hadn't learned anything other than Wufei had left the Preventers in a 'fit of depression' as Sally put it.  And she wouldn't come because she felt that he presence would be harmful to the mentally scarred boy.

He glanced at the clock nervously.  His conversation had lasted about fifteen minutes, and he still needed to call his sister.  But the real reason why he was worried was that he had left Wufei with only a nurse to watch him.  He would have to make this next call fast.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, he got the answering machine, which meant that Catherine was probably doing a show, considering the hour.

"Cathy, it's me.  I'm in Houston, I have some business to attend to, so I'll meet up with you when you get here."

_Hope she won't be too mad._

*^*^*^*^*

Cathy was furious.

It wasn't like the day had gone particularly well anyway.  Since Trowa was gone, she had to bully one of the acrobats into taking his place.  James tended to be less than trusting, which made him twitchy, which made her job that much harder.  She had to do Trowa's share of the work as well.  So coming home to Trowa usual brevity in the form of a message didn't help her mood too much.

"He's in Houston!  He could have at least called when he got there.  Or left a not, or something.  I've been worried sick for days, and this is all I get.  He didn't even give me an explanation!"

Catherine sighed and plopped down into her rocking chair, exhausted in more ways than one.  "I hope he's all right."

*^*^*^*^*

Wufei opened his eyes.

He hurt.

But ignoring that … he hurt.  Pain was his whole world.  Which wasn't anything new actually, but this time the pain was more tangible.  Still, he had been a Gundam pilot, so he was used to it.

From experience, he knew not to move to quickly at first.  So he slowly turned his head to the right to see if he could figure out where he was.  Into his line of vision roamed … a pair of jeans?

He looked up in bewilderment to encounter a pair of very green eyes.

"Barton," he croaked, "I see that you still haven't managed to acquire any fashion sense."

Heh, heh, heh… Call me crazy (well, I am) but I can totally see Wu saying that.  Stay tuned!  What's gonna happen now that Wu's finally woken up?  What about Trowa's hair fetish?  Is Cathy gonna kill Trowa?  Will the author ever stop sounding like an old TV show?  Review and you shall find out!

Thankies! ~LL


	6. The Reality of Life

Wow, I'm on a roll.  Thanks to Marika Webster for kicking me in the butt to get this chapter out.  I'll try to get the next one out soon, but I really want to work on This Darkness, so we'll see.  In any case, it'll be out in two weeks at the most.

B0b: Don't hold your breath…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, 'cept the muses.

Thanks and Stuff:  Thanks to all who reviewed last time! Marika (of course), Jenihenpen (you've got me on your favs! Thanks!), Anoni, Elmo, and Val.  I love you guys!  Reviews make me want to write more. ^__^

Chapter 4: The Reality of Life

Wufei sighed as he shut his eyes.  Staring at a white wall for hours on end was **not** his idea of fun.  But as it was, he didn't have anything better to do.  The TV was broken; and the nurse was a strict bitch.  The Chinese man sighed as he tried to sleep.

Someone down the hall screamed.  Wufei winced; he had almost been asleep too.

Curling up in the fetal position Wufei fought the urge to scream himself.  He'd only been in the psychiatric ward for a week, and he was already ready to fight his way out.  Even if it killed him.  Of course, it could be worse.  At least he wasn't tied up.

"Mr. Long?  Mr. Barton is here to see you," the nurse said with her forced politeness that came from working with crazy people day in and day out.  Wufei sighed and turned to glare at her.  Couldn't the woman even knock?

But it wasn't the woman the he was really mad at.  Hell, he wasn't exactly sure **who** he was mad at.  All he knew was that it had something to do with Trowa's daily visits.  The silent soldier came like clockwork every day at three PM.  And he couldn't figure out **why**.

The tall man entered the room.  Wufei looked up, getting a clear view of both eyes at the same time, something he'd never see during the war.  He searched, for the answer to his question.  But Trowa was as closed off as ever.

Wufei grunted in disgust, it wasn't like he cared why Trowa came, and rolled over, trying to get to sleep once more.  His chest still hurt from where they had cracked it open to restart his heart.  Not that he would ever **admit** it.

"The circus is coming here tomorrow," Trowa said quietly, just as Wufei was getting to sleep again.

"So?" the patient spat bitterly, "What are you going to do, take me out?  **They** won't let me.  I'm crazy remember?"

"I don't think you are crazy," the other replied after a time.  Wufei rolled over and looked him in his visible eye.  He had sat down in the chair next to his bed, just like he had for the last week.

Wufei turned his back on the emotionless stare.

"Thank you," he whispered as an afterthought.

Silence.  But it was comfortable.  They had always been like that, in the few times they had been together during the war.

"I have to leave with the circus."

"Fine.  You don't need my permission."

"Do you want to come?"  This time Wufei twisted around too fast, and he let out a hiss of pain.  Trowa didn't move; he knew it wouldn't be appreciated.

"Why?" Wufei choked out when he could speak through the pain.

Trowa shrugged.  And the nurse came in to tell him visiting hours were over.  He looked at Wufei, voicing the question silently.  Wufei shrugged.  Trowa left.

And Wufei finally got to sleep.

*^*^*^*^*

"So?" Trowa prompted.

"Well normally, Mr. Barton, I wouldn't have a problem with it.  It's just that I am worried about Mr. Long's mental state."  Trowa snorted in exasperation.  "I know that you don't agree with me, but I think it would be better if he stayed under observation for a few more weeks."

"He didn't try to kill himself."

"Well, it looks like he did.  You said yourself that you didn't know him very well.  If you were family, I feel better about it but…"

"He doesn't have any family," Trowa said, and continued before the doctor could say anything.  "But that doesn't mean he would kill himself.  He has a deep-rooted set of morals, and to him, suicide is cowardly.  Cha- Long Wufei is anything but cowardly."  Trowa cursed himself mentally for his slip up.  If he was lucky, the doctor wouldn't notice.

Luck had never been on his side.

The doctor eyed him curiously.  "What was that Mr. Barton?"

Trowa feigned surprise.  "What do you mean?"

"You were about to call Mr. Long something else," the older man replied with surprising patience.  Then again, he **was** a shrink.

Trowa paused to think.  He knew why Wufei was hiding his identity; he was well known as a Preventer.  Still… "Can you keep a secret Doctor?"

He nodded, but his eyes shone with curiosity.  "Of course."

"Wufei's last name is Chang, not Long."  The doctor blinked at Trowa's bluntness.  But that's the way the pilot was; he wasn't about to change.

"So Long Wufei is actually Chang Wufei … the Preventer?"  Trowa nodded.  "Well," the doctor began hesitantly, "that does change a few things.  I'll see if I can get Mr. Chang released."

Trowa grabbed the man's arm, and he looked up confused.  "His name while he is here is Long Wufei, you understand?"

The doctor nodded, "Of course."

*^*^*^*^*

Why?                           

Trowa paced back and forth in the small confines of his hotel room.  He didn't understand why he was helping Wufei like this.  During the war, Wufei would have never accepted it; it would have been an insult.

And why was Wufei accepting it?  Trowa just didn't understand.  He didn't feel sorry for him, and Wufei had lost any of his pride.

It felt right.

But why?

*^*^*^*^*

Trowa appeared at Wufei's room the next day as promised, despite his unsure feelings about the whole thing.

Wufei was up, scowling as the nurse read him the list of instructions for keeping the wound on his chest clean.  Finally the Chinese grabbed the piece of paper when he noticed Trowa waiting.

"I can read woman," he snapped.  He turned toward his fellow pilot.  "Let's go."

Trowa followed him, watching the man's steps carefully for any faltering.  After all, he had only just recovered.  Gundam pilot or no, he needed to take care of himself, something he had never been good at.  Trowa frowned softly as he watched the other sign the release form.  He would have to remember that.

"So what's this circus of yours like Barton?"

Trowa smirked, "You'll see, Chang."

---------

Catherine shifted anxiously from her perch at the circus' entrance as she waited for Trowa to return.  He had come about an hour ago, and left almost immediately after dropping his stuff off, saying he had something to pick up.

_That's just great_, she grumbled, _he's gone for weeks, shows up out of nowhere and then just leaves again.  He could just stay around like everyone else._

Her thoughts were cut off suddenly as a taxi pulled up.  She jumped up as soon as she recognized the person getting out of the car.

"TROWA!" Catherine called happily, forgetting all her former anger in an instant.

He turned waved with his free hand (the other was carrying a small bag, and turned to pay the driver.  She bounced forward as he leaned down again, this time toward the back door.

Catherine stopped as a black head appeared at the doorway.

Her eyes narrowed, _so that's what he's bringing home.  Well we'll see about that…_


	7. Moonlit Relevations

Heya, folks!  Don't have much to say other than a huge thanks to Marika Webster and Emcron for all their help with this chapter.  And a call out to Anoni who managed to type up another wonderful chapter of Roleplay with a broken finger.

Disclaimer: I think you've figured it out by now.

Thanks: Marika and Jenihenpen, as usual.

Chapter 5: Moonlit Revelations

Wufei looked at the ceiling in the overly small trailer, thanking whatever Gods there were that it wasn't white.  He didn't think that he would be able to stand that.  He wasn't sure that he was going to be able to stand sharing this tiny space with Trowa.  Not that he would **ever** admit it, but Wufei had a **tiny** bit of claustrophobia.

The door opened and Wufei half sat up to see whom it was.  Trowa walked in, dressed in his clown outfit, but without the shirt, which he was carrying.  His chest shone in the half-light from a slight sheen of sweat.  And he smelled, Wufei realized.  It appeared that Trowa had been assigned to animal duty.

The older boy was careful to shut the door softly as he entered the room.  It was late, and he was one of the last to return after the show.  He turned towards the room and Wufei, and froze, surprise flashing across his normally expressionless features before it disappeared just as suddenly.

"I thought you were asleep," he whispered, as if he was afraid to break the silence.  Wufei found that he couldn't blame him.  The moonlight filtered in through the slit in the curtains.  In the low light, everything looked different, almost as if everything that the moonbeams touched were instilled with magic.  But neither of them believed in magic.

"I guess I'm not that tired," Wufei replied, also in a whisper.  Somehow he couldn't convince himself that there wasn't some sort of spell in the room that had been awoken by Luna's rays.

"Ok," Trowa said, frowning a bit.  "Well, I'm going to take a shower ok?"  Wufei nodded, not trusting himself to speak.  Trowa disappeared into the bathroom.  And Wufei let out the breath he'd been holding without even realizing it.

The former Altron pilot lie back once more, and sighed.  It seemed that he was getting well acquainted with ceilings of late.  Closing his eyes, Wufei found himself drifting off into dreams.

---------

As soon as Trowa stepped out of the shower, he realized that he had forgot to take some clean clothes into the bathroom.  He wasn't used to having a roommate, so he hadn't even thought to bring clothes in with him.  Wrapped in a towel, Trowa sat down on the toilet and sighed.  He wasn't sure that he was going to survive living with Wufei.

It wasn't that he minded; if he had, he wouldn't have offered to house the former pilot.  No, Trowa's problems were a little more… frustrating.  Truth to tell, Trowa couldn't put a finger on what was wrong, either that, or he didn't want to.

Closing his eyes, Trowa's mind brought up, unbidden, a picture of Wufei as he'd last seen him, sitting up in bed, the blankets pooled around his waist.  His smooth bare chest rising and falling with his breathe.  Breathe that stirred strands of his inky black hair, which was loose and brushing the boy's shoulders.  And his eyes, ebony black pools wide open in surprise.  Beautiful.  Even with the still healing scar branded across his heart, Wufei was beautiful.

Trowa's eyes snapped open.  He did **not** just think that.  Pressing a hand to his groin, the Heavyarms pilot became painfully aware of the erection brought on, no doubt, by his thoughts of the exotic boy just a thin wall away.

No!  He would not think of Wufei like that.  It was wrong.  He didn't love Wufei; he was just hurting over the recent loss of a certain blond.  Trowa grit his teeth and stood, heading for another shower, a cold shower this time.

*^*^*^*^*

Wufei jerked awake from another nightmare.  They were all the same, that gray expanse of nothingness.  He was alone, looking for something, anything.  By this time, Wufei was sure that when he went to hell, that's what it would be, an eternity alone in nothingness.

Raising himself up on his elbows, Wufei winced as a bolt of pain shot through his chest.  It hurt like hell, but he was too proud to take the painkillers that had been prescribed to him.  To take his mind off of it, Wufei looked around for a clock.  He found one next to the couch; it was almost two AM, but that wasn't what held his attention.

Trowa was watching him.

The other boy was stretched out on the couch staring at him with those disturbing olive green eyes.  Disturbingly beautiful eyes…

"What were you dreaming about?" Trowa asked almost shyly.

Wufei immediately put his guard up.  "Why?" he snapped, and winced as soon as he did.

Trowa shrugged.  "Is your chest hurting?" he asked softly.  Wufei cursed to himself for letting his weakness show.

"No," he said stubbornly, unconsciously crossing his arms to hide the still healing scar.  Trowa raised an eyebrow that clearly showed his disbelief and stood.  Gathering up the little control he had left, Trowa walked over.  Wufei tensed up more the closer he got, and for some reason, it bothered Trowa to see that.

"You know what the doctor said, Wufei," Trowa scolded softly as he sat down on the bed, near, but as far away as he could stand.  Wufei didn't look at him, just kept his gaze trained on a spot ahead of him.  Trowa tried again, "You promised to look after the scar."

This time Wufei looked over at him.  Trowa barely kept the shocked expression off his face as he saw the open one on the Chinese boy's.  Never, in all the time that they had known one another, had Trowa seen anything but anger on this boy's carefully guarded face.  It made him want to wrap his fellow pilot in his embrace and tell him that nothing would ever be wrong again.  On the heels of that, Trowa wondered where that thought had come from.  Then Wufei scowled at him, and Trowa was brought out of his trance.

The Chinese boy reluctantly uncrossed his arms.  "Fine," he scowled, "Get the ointment."

Trowa rose to do as he was bid without thinking twice, even though he wasn't usually one to allow himself to be bossed around.  Even Catherine had to ask nicely to get him to do something.

Coming back in minutes with a small tube, Trowa opened it, and squeezed a bit onto his fingers.  When Wufei glared and brought his arms up to his chest again, Trowa explained, "I can see better than you, and it'll get done faster this way."  Wufei was to tired to be stubborn, so he let his arms drop.

Trowa allowed himself a dubious smile.  On one hand, he was being allowed to touch the almost flawless bronze skin that had haunted his dreams all night long.  But on the other hand, he was getting more aroused by the second, and he couldn't do a damn thing about it.  Curse his fate.  At least whatever God had put him in this situation was having a good laugh.  Trowa didn't find the situation even remotely amusing.

---------

Wufei tensed in anticipation as he let his hands drop to allow Trowa to spread the healing ointment.  To his surprise, the banged boy was gentle, even though it was obvious that he was only doing this so he could go back to sleep.  And what was even more surprising was that Wufei found himself relaxing under Trowa's gentle touch.

He looked up… into the other's face.  Green eyes filled his vision.  The Chinese boy was startled at the intensity of emotions hidden in the emerald depths, loneliness, fear, pain, and hidden best of all, lust.  Wufei felt the latter radiate off his companion as soon as he recognized it.  A warm sensation built up in his gut, and Wufei swallowed, trying to get his emotions under control.  But he couldn't, especially when Trowa finished with the medicine, and let his fingers linger longer than absolutely necessary.

Wufei closed his hand over Trowa's larger one when he tried to pull away.  Their eyes met… and both of them lost all control they possessed at once.

Heh, heh, heh… am I evil or what?  Ok I promise, that I'm working on the next chapter, and it should be up tomorrow.  Although, I might not post it for a while if I don't get lots of good reviews...  I mean come on! I only got two reviews for the last chapter.  *makes puppy dog eyes*  Please?  Lemons if you do!


	8. The Night Of...

Sorry this didn't get out earlier, but my internet connection randomly decided to quit, so we had to get a new one. Grrr… *takes a deep breath* But we're OK now, so here it is!  Umm, I'm not exactly sure if you would call it a lemon, more like a lime, but I'm upping the rating just to be safe.  And this is my first lemon/lime/sprite (thanks to 'Rika for that term) so lemme know what you think.  *sighs* I'm so insecure… and your review make me feel a lot better.

Disclaimer: They are mine to toy with, but I'm not making any money (unfortunantly), so piss off lawsuits!

Thanks: 

Jenihenpen - I feel so special that you remember me even in that state *snickers* thanks always

Anoni - I know I'm evil… and I'm damn proud of it too!

Jefcat – Thanks! And the 1x4 will come back eventually, don't worry.

Marika Webster – Love ya! Spork!

Chapter 6: The Night Of…

There's a horrible feeling that you get upon waking up the morning after a night of less than orthodox activities.  The second you open your eyes, you know that you've done **something** wrong, even if half the time it takes a little while to remember what.

That sick feeling in your belly sets in, and it's not just from the hangover.  And you swear that you'll never do anything that bad again.

It's funny how hard it is to keep promises to yourself.

*^*^*^*^*

Any earlier inhibitions that either boy had harbored before vanished in an instant as their eyes met, depthless black against infinite green.  The liquid orbs were virtual mirrors of each other, reflecting endlessly their pain, loneliness, and need.

Neither one moved first, they moved together, always the mirrors, as they devoured each other's lips.  They came up for air after a dip into the pool of desire, both bare chests heaving with their pants.  Wufei slid a hand across Trowa's solid planes of muscle and around and down his back, stopping at the waistline of his pants.  The Heavyarms pilot gasped in surprise and pleasure as Wufei's hand slid lower to grab his rear roughly.  Then Trowa smirked in turn as Wufei sucked in a sharp breath when he began tracing slow circles across his chest.

A whimper escaped from the proud warrior's parted lips as he tried to pull Trowa closer.  But the Clown wouldn't allow it; hi smirk grew wider as he stopped Wufei from protesting his control with a finger to his lips.  Trowa leaned forward, stopping mere centimeters from his companion's startled gaze.  And suddenly he leaned down and attacked the tempting bronze shoulder.  Wufei gasped as heat spread throughout his body, originating from the point where the silent clown was working magic with his lips, tongue and teeth.

Wufei was helpless to do anything but desperately cling to his partner as Trowa worked his way up his neck.  When the other reached his lips he stopped feeling the warm breathe against his lips that echoed his own.  Again their eyes reflected in one another, surprise, desire, and need, the need to alleviate the pain if only for one night.

Trowa froze, and Wufei took over, leaning in slowly to capture soft lips with his own.  Trowa opened his mouth to release a soft moan which Wufei immediately took advantage of.  Tentatively, he pushed his tongue into the other boy's mouth sighing softly as he was accepted.  They danced in the private world of their mouths, and Trowa leaned back onto the bed, pulling Wufei on top of him.  Simultaneously, Wufei wrapped one leg around Trowa's, and Trowa twisted his free leg around Wufei.

Wufei experimentally thrust his hips forward, crushing their groins together.  Trowa broke their lip lock to groan aloud.  It was Wufei's turn to smirk as he began the same treatment that Trowa had bestowed upon his earlier.  But while his mouth was busy with Trowa's willingly bared neck, Wufei's hands traced down the other's taut stomach and tugged the drawstring of his pants undone.

Frustrated at the lack of control, Trowa growled deep in his throat and grabbed the smaller boy, flipping both of them over so that he was on top.  Wufei gasped as a jolt of pain lanced through his still healing wound branded across his chest.

Trowa's eyes snapped open to look into a set of black ones struggling to hide the pain.  At that very moment they realized the exact position that they were in.

They had been about to fuck each other.

"Shit!" Trowa hissed as he sprung up … and fled the trailer.

*^*^*^*^*

Catherine woke as the first rays of the sun peeked through her caravan window.  She smiled; early morning was her favorite time of the day.  With a soft sigh, she rose and automatically pulled the sheets up and made the bed.  It was true; she was a neat freak.  But when you lived in close quarters like she did, it was hard not to be.  The circus star couldn't understand how her 'brother' could live like he did.

She smiled as she thought of Trowa.  He was a mess, but she loved him all the same.

Catherine hummed to herself as she got dressed, and went outside to enjoy the early morning silence.  As was her custom in any city they stayed in, she walked around the temporary circus grounds, making sure nothing was out of place.

She almost had a heart attack when she came upon the man she'd been thinking about sitting half naked on a box behind the big tent.  Circus people, almost as a rule, slept in (after all, they were always up late), and Trowa was no exception.  Catherine didn't think that she'd **ever** seen him up before ten.  Unless she counted those times during the war, but she had been sure that he was over all of that.  And yet, he had mysteriously disappeared for a few weeks and now he was up early?  She was beginning to worry about his mental health.

With that thought, she stalked over to him to have a little chat on the subject.  As she approached, she noticed the look of intense … something imprinted on the boy's face.  That in itself was unusual, but something else was even stranger, except she couldn't quite figure out what was different.  Suddenly, Catherine did something she'd never done before; she backed away.

But something must have been really wrong for Trowa not even to notice that she was two feet away from him.

*sighs in despair* Please tell me what you thought, I was giggling the whole time I was writing this, but then again it was late, and I was a little wired.

B0b: Stop sighing Onna, you're giving me a headache!

LL: I'll give you a headache you ungrateful wretch! *runs after a felling B0b with a hatchet*


	9. ... and the Morning After

I'm back! *readers prepare to throw rotten fruit*  Wait, wait, I know that it's been way to long, so just for waiting and sticking with me you get…

Excuses:

1) School.  Need I say more?

2) I got on this terrible DBZ kick for a while and I just couldn't get off of it to write Gundam Wing.

3) Because of my DBZ kick, I had a nasty case of writers block for this fic.

4) I got sick, so for about two days last week I was unconscious for all intents and purposes.

5) And finally, there's this writing contest that the newspaper is putting out and I need all the money I can get so I'm trying to finish a short story to enter so I can win some cash.  (And they don't take fanfics.)

Well, that's pretty much it.  Please don't kill me.  *hides behind a wall*  But hey look at it this way, it's out now.  And I even got some sap **and** angst, am I good or what?

Disclaimer:  If I owned GW I wouldn't have to try and win money now would I?

Thanks: To everyone who's sticking with me.  It really means a lot that you guys like my stuff!  You know who you are.

Chapter 7: … and the Morning After.

Sunlight filtering in through the cracks in the curtains slowly brought Wufei back to reality.  He blinked and looked around.  The trailer was empty, but a pile of clean clothes lie on the dresser.  Wufei rose, showered, and dressed.  Trowa was nowhere to be found, not that he'd expected him to show himself.  They hadn't spoken since that first night almost a week ago.  Wufei had hardly even seen Trowa since then; he woke up early and came in late.  Sometimes, if he were lucky, Wufei would catch a glimpse of the older boy leaving in the morning.

Wufei was glad of the reprieve that Trowa's absence had given him.  He still wasn't exactly sure what had happened that night, and for a few days he hadn't wanted to find out.  He felt guilty for dumping all of his loneliness on the one person who was only trying to help him find out who he was again.

"One thing is for sure," Wufei muttered as he grabbed a coke from the fridge, "This needs to stop."  Slipping his feet into his shoes, Wufei walked out to find his roommate.

*^*^*^*^*

Catherine watched Trowa from a distance as he fed the lions.  Something was off; he wasn't his usual cheery self.  Most people wouldn't be able to tell the difference between his regular expression and his happy one, but Catherine had lived with him long enough to know.  Trowa loved the lions; he softened when he was around them.  It was a subtle change, and trying to decipher it was like telling the difference between twins.

Lately, Trowa had been a cheery.  Come to think of it, his odd behavior had started the day after he brought that, that **boy **home.

Catherine frowned.  She didn't know what, where, when, why or how, but she knew who.  And she was going to do something about it.

*^*^*^*^*

Quatre sighed as his computer beeped, signaling that he had new mail.  Probably more work.  Most likely something that had to be done **tonight**.  With another resigned sigh, he moved over to his computer.  Heero was going to kill him, it was after hours already, and he still had tons to do.

There were two messages.  The first was junk mail of all things, reminding Quatre that he still needed to get a filter installed on his Internet connection.  The second was from his fiancé.

Quatre-

            Come home now.  There's something you need to see.

Love,

Heero

Quatre smiled.  He did have a tendency to be rather direct.  And if he said it was important, than it was.

It took the blond all of fifteen minutes to get home.

"What took you so long?" Heero asked as soon as he opened the door.  Quatre gaped, and Heero allowed himself a small smirk.  He wrapped his petite lover in a quick embrace and whispered in his ear, "You know, speeding is against the law."

Quatre giggled, drunk with happiness.  "You did say that it was important."

Heero nodded, suddenly serious, and pulled away.  "I got a call from Lady Une," he began.  Quatre tensed up immediately.  Whatever is was, it couldn't be good.  Heero wasn't looking at him.  "She needs me for a mission."  Heero did have a disturbing tendency to be direct.

Quatre moved toward the kitchen.  He needed a cup of tea if he was going to deal with this.  Heero followed him, almost warily.  "So when are you leaving?" Quatre managed to ask after he had set the water to boil.

Heero touched his shoulder lightly, begging his little lover to turn to him.  Quatre complied, desperately trying to keep the tears out of his eyes.  He was worried for Heero, whom he knew didn't want to go.  But the perfect soldier in him wouldn't let him refuse.

"I don't have to go if you don't want me too, Quatre," Heero said softly, "Une can find someone else."  He touched the blonde's cheek tentatively as Quatre seemed to think it out.

Finally the shorter lover took a deep breath, "Do what you have to, Heero.  I'll survive in the meantime.  But you know that I can't go with you."  Heero nodded.  Shortly after the Mariemaia affair, Quatre had finally done what his father had wanted him to; he had given up fighting and become a total pacifist.  The Perfect Soldier stroked his love's cheek with a smile, which grew bigger when Quatre nuzzled his palm.

The teapot hissed.  Quatre cursed lightly, and went to attend to it when a thought struck him.  "Heero?  You're message said that I needed to see something?"  Quatre couldn't see because his back was turned but Heero smirked.

"There is something for you to see.  Come little one."  He took his protesting lover by the elbow and led him into their bedroom.  Quatre gasped.  Sitting on their bed was a tiny puppy with a red bow around his neck.  "To keep you company," Heero whispered in his ear as he wrapped his arms around him protectively.

Tears fell unashamed from the former Sandrock pilot's eyes as he leaned into his protector's arms.  "Ai shiteiru, Heero.  Forever."

*^*^*^*^*

Sally cursed a she returned fire that had originated from above.  She was hopelessly outnumbered, but in her hidey-hole she wasn't in any danger of immediately being killed.  Immediately.  The long run was a whole different matter entirely.

It had been a simple mission that had blown **way** out of proportion.  Now, she was screwed, to put it lightly.  Unless, by some miracle, Lady Une had received her distress call.  And if that unlikely thing happened, Lady Une just might be able to find someone skilled or stupid enough to come to her rescue.

Sally wasn't holding her breath.  She needed it to pray.

Gah!  I try to be nice and not give ya'll a huge cliffhanger for once, and just look at what comes out!  *Landlady bangs her head on the keyboard making a whole bunch of ",dkldfncvlsdkfn"'s appear*  This is going to turn out a **lot** longer than I thought.  *sigh*  Please review.  I tend to write a lot faster when I review.


	10. The Silence Between Gunshots

Oi!  Ok, here ya go!  Personally, I'm very happy with this chapter.  It just came out right or something.  Tell me what you think, please! I'm trying to get to 50 reviews! *waves a little "review!" flag*

Disclaimer: *sniffles* Don't own.

Little Plug: If you haven't read it, I highly recommend Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy.  I just finished it, and it's **really** good!

Thanks: Marika, Jenihenpen, Anoni, and everyone else who is gonna review.

Chapter 8: The Silence Between Gunshots

It never fails that once you reach equilibrium, something tips the balance.  It's one of Murphy's Laws.  The Earth is in a delicate balance, much like that balance between friends.  Once that balance is tipped, it takes time and effort to bring it back.

*^*^*^*^*

Wufei strode purposely across the field where the circus people taking apart the site.  Trowa was feeding the lions, and getting them ready to leave.  He was so preoccupied that he didn't even notice the other boy until Wufei spoke.

"Need a hand?"  Trowa looked up, and visibly paled.  But other than that, he showed no expression as he shrugged.  Wufei set down the coke that he'd been drinking, and walked over, determined not to be useless.  Trowa let him help, but Wufei noticed that despite his silence, he made sure to keep the injured boy's workload light.  Normally, being coddled as if he were made of glass would have angered Wufei.  But his months alone and without hope had changed him; he no longer forced the foolish pride through his weary heart.  He was wise enough to accept generousity, even through the guise of indifference.  It was that Wufei realized that Trowa had given him the hope that he so desperately craved.

When they were done, Trowa turned, for the first time in a week, to look Wufei directly in the face.  Wufei squared himself for battle, and said, "We need to talk."  Trowa nodded.

"We can go to my trailer.  It's quieter there."  What he meant was that no one could hear them.  But Wufei understood and agreed, and so they went.

---------

Trowa's hands were shaking slightly by the time that they made it to his trailer.  He wasn't ready to talk to Wufei yet.  He wasn't sure what to say.  He never had been good with words.

Plagued with self-doubt, Trowa felt sick to his stomach, and allowed Wufei to take command.  The other boy did without questioning; he was used, in a way, to being in control.  Piloting a weapon of mass destruction will do that to you.

So Wufei sat, with perfect ease and motioned Trowa to do the same.  The older boy noticed the almost regal bearing that the exotic Chinese carried, and for a moment, wondered about his past.  But not for long, he had the present to deal with.

"You know why I need to talk to you, so we don't have to mention it," Wufei began, and Trowa released a breath of relief.  "But what are we going to do about it?"  For a moment, Wufei changed into an uncertain creature that Trowa had never seen coming from him before.  Suddenly, the Silent One felt the need to take control, for Wufei's sake.

"It was all my fault," he said suddenly.

But Wufei shook his head, "No.  I wanted it too.  But that's not the point.  The point…"

"Is why we wanted it," Trowa cut in softly.  "I…" he faltered for a moment, but the depths of Wufei's eyes, he found strength.  "I love someone else.  Someone who doesn't love me back."  Wufei nodded sagely, as if he understood completely.  Trowa wondered if he did.  There was so much mystery that was the dark boy's past.  Much like his own, come to think of it.

"It is something similar for me as well.  I…" And Wufei too faltered, but like Trowa, found strength in his companion's eyes.  "I left the Preventers because I felt that I had no use anymore.  I needed something, anything, if only for a little while."  He hung his head, ashamed.  Trowa understood how hard it was for this boy, no this man, to admit his weakness.  He himself had pride as well, a quiet pride, but it ran deep.

Pride was what made them face their actions, both of them.  And together, they would survive.

Trowa put a hand on his companion's shoulder.  Wufei looked up, and their eyes met, reflecting endlessly mirroring expressions of pain.  They both at once knew that whatever else, they would have each other to turn to when things were at their worst.

"So," Trowa began, voicing what they both knew.  It felt right to say it though.  "We'll forget about it?"

"No," Wufei said softly, "Not forget.  Put aside.  We'll start over … as friends."  Trowa smiled at that prospect, and Wufei echoed it.  Together, they would face all obstacles. 

*^*^*^*^*

Lady Une drummed her fingers impatiently as the phone rang.  Sally had radioed in a little while ago, and she was going to need more back up than just Heero could provide.  It seemed that one perfect soldier wasn't enough.

For the first time, Une truly regretted Wufei's leaving.  She had tried not to dwell on it, knowing that whatever plagued the boy, it was something that he had to work out on his own.  So she had been very careful not to plague Sally with questions concerning his whereabouts.  She didn't even know if Sally herself knew where the former Gundam Pilot was.  Well, it was too late to ask Sally now.

Finally, after about twenty rings, the other end of the line answered her insistence.  Une immediately noticed that it was dark and the answerer's hair was mussed from sleep.

"I'm sorry if I woke you Trowa."  The boy didn't answer, only turned with a slightly worried look to his left, relaxed, and turned back.  Une wondered who he was so worried about waking.

"It's all right," he said quietly.  "What do you want?"

"I need you for a mission.  Some terrorists attacked an L3 colony a while ago.  I sent Sally Po, but she's in danger and she needs help.  Heero will join you if you go."  From the sound of it, Une expected him to go.  And in reality, Trowa had no choice.  Any Gundam pilot would do the same.  It was their pride, what Wufei would call integrity.  In a good state of mind, they couldn't turn down a mission.  Trowa glanced at the sleeping Wufei once more, before turning back to Lady Une.

"I'll do it."  They would never turn down a mission, but somewhere along the way, the reasons had changed.

*^*^*^*^*

Wufei closed his eyes hurriedly as Trowa turned to look at him once more.  He heard the banged boy's agreement, and squeezed his eyes shut tighter.  This wasn't right.  Trowa had never joined the Preventers for a reason.  Like Quatre, and like Duo, he had wanted to get away from war.  And because of him, he was being thrown back into it.

Trowa sighed, and Wufei felt a hand brushing back a few strands of loose hair from his face.  "At least you won't have to get involved," Trowa whispered to him.

Wufei almost sobbed aloud.  Trowa was doing this for him.  He cracked his eyes open as he felt the other move away, and he watched as Trowa lie down again.  When he was sure that Trowa was asleep, Wufei rose, and threw the few possessions that he had into a bag.

He knew what he had to do.  He would go to Lady Une and take the mission for Trowa.  It was the only choice that he had.

Stopping at the door for a moment, Wufei looked back.

_So we'll forget it then?_

_No._

He turned around fully, took the few steps to the boy…

And kissed him softly, right on the lips.  "Thank you, Trowa," he whispered almost too soft to hear himself.  With that he was gone, into the moonlight, and back onto the path that he belonged on.

Wow.  Was that totally unexpected for anyone else?  *turns to the muses*  You know, you could give me some warning when you do stuff like that.

B0b: Why?

LL: Grrr… Because it would be nice.

J0rge: Umm, in case you hadn't noticed, Dad's not the nicest guy around.

B0b: *grins* I'm rather proud of that.

LL: *sighs* We know.  Well, guess what folks!  We're almost done! *runs away before stunned mob can come kill her*

J0rge: Yes you heard right.  But don't worry, we're not forsaking you yet.  There'll be a sequel that focuses more on the romance between Wufei and Trowa, called Healing Hearts and Dark Divides.

B0b and J0rge: *snicker because they know what's going to happen*

LL: *comes out from the closet since she no longer fears being killed by an angry mob* I've been getting in touch with my muses more so that writing will go easier.  Notice that it's working.

J0rge: Wait a minute.  Does that mean that those ice cream Sundays that you bought us were only so that we would work faster.

LL: Umm, well… Yea!  Hey, it worked didn't it!

B0b: *growls dangerously and pulls out a hatchet*

LL: Holy –beep-!! *runs away … very fast*


	11. Epilogue: Trowa

Almost done… *sniffles*

Expect the last chapter out Tuesday. I've got a whole bunch of tests on Monday, so I can't get it out this weekend. *sighs* Two more months, only two more months…

Disclaimer: Haven't you figured it out by now?

Thanks: Jenihenpen (go read her 1x3 stuff, it's great!), Emcron, and Anoni (another short chap, sorry).

Epilogue: Trowa

In the deepest dark of all, a dark that can only be achieved in the land of nightmares, Trowa resided.  He watched as the life that he most wanted and most feared unfolded before his eyes.  He knew instantly that it was a dream, for what he was experiencing could not possible ever happen in real life.

He stood in a house, not a trailer from the circus but a real house with a full sized bathroom, a big bed, a **kitchen**.  It was decorated sparsely, but tastefully, with things that Trowa would put in his home.  But it wasn't just **his** home, he realized as he gave himself the grand tour.  The Chinese watercolor in the dining room clued him into that.  As did the almost obsessive neatness of the room.  This seemed to have some significance that he couldn't place, but he shrugged it off and continued walking around.  In the last room, he stopped.  It was the master bedroom, obviously.  But for some reason it was strewn with various colored streamers and a huge 'Happy Birthday' banner.  In the silence of this overly cheerful room, a bang of the front door rang out loudly.

It was then that his dream-self took over, confident where he was confused, leaving the real Trowa a silent observer.  He glanced over the room once more, and, satisfied that everything was perfect, rushed out to the common room, trying not to look rushed.  In a few moments, a figure, presumably his roommate, entered the room.  The dream-Trowa smiled as the man loosened the tie on his regulation Preventer uniform while he set his briefcase down on the couch.  When he straightened again, the man smiled.  Dream-Trowa smiled back, and the real-Trowa listened in amazement as words that he wasn't speaking, and yet seemed so right came out of his mouth.

"You're home early, Wufei."  Wufei shrugged slightly.

"I thought I'd forestall the surprise party."  Trowa was surprised when he laughed.

"No party this year," he assured the Chinese, "but I do have a surprise for you."

Wufei raised an eyebrow expectantly and watched his warily, but Trowa knew that he was joking.  "Oh really?  What is it?"

"If I told you that, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?"  Wufei smirked.  "Come here," Trowa ordered gently.  Wufei obeyed, and Towa took him by the shoulders and spun him around so that Wufei's back was pressed against his front.  Carefully, he put one hand around the man's waist and the other draped over his eyes, and guided him into the bedroom.  Wufei leaned back into him, full of trust the whole way.

"Open your eyes," Trowa whispered into the other's ear, delighting in the small shiver that his breath caused, and the delicate lashes as they fluttered open.

Trowa's eyes never left the exotic boy's face, and he drank in the look of surprise and delight like a man parched from weeks in the desert.  Wufei looked up at him –he still had his arm around his waist- and Trowa noticed that they shone brighter than usual.  Trowa reached a hand up to his face and brushed his cheek softly, before looking up to the bed, when his present lay innocuously.

"Is it…?" Wufei began softly.  Trowa nodded, cutting him off.

Suddenly, the shorter boy twisted in his arms, wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him soundly.  "Thank you, Trowa."

---------

Trowa gasped as he sat up straight.  What a weird dream, and about Wufei of all people.   But the odd thing was it had seemed so **right**.  Trowa sighed, and shrugged it off.  It was just a dream, and a strange one at that.  Looking around the dark trailer, Trowa started.  Something was wrong.  He sat up, his eyes instinctively going to the bed.  Wufei wasn't there.

_Thank you, Trowa._  It was odd, but that part of his dream had seemed less surreal than the rest.  Fear filled the former Gundam Pilot's heart, and he jumped out of bed.  It could be that he was only out for a stroll.

At three o'clock in the morning?

Trowa ignored the mocking voice in his head.  He had to find Wufei.  Wufei had to be around here somewhere.

Except that he wasn't.

Trowa sat down dejectedly on the steps up to his trailer.  They would be leaving any moment now and Wufei was still nowhere to be found.

"What's wrong, Tro?" a voice came from above.  He looked up into Catherine's worried green eyes.

"Wufei's gone," he whispered.

Cathy sighed and sat down next to him, wrapping him in a hug.  "Don't worry too much, Trowa.  He's a Gundam pilot; he can take care of himself."

Trowa sighed, Cathy was right, but that didn't make him worry any less.  He stood decisively.  "Cathy, tell the manager that I have to leave for a few weeks.  I have a mission."  Cathy glared into space, but nodded without a word.

Trowa left, walking sedately off to find a ride to Preventer headquarters.

Catherine watched him go sadly, before standing as well.  She went to her trailer and picked up a small envelope from her desk.  On it was written simply, Trowa, in a slanted script that she recognized as the Chinese boy's handwriting.  With a few swift movements the letter was in shreds.  She dropped the remains in the trash and went out to help the circus get ready to move.

*^*^*^*^*

Trowa stepped out of the taxi, paid the driver and looked up at the huge Preventer headquarters.  It loomed over everything, like a mother watching over her children.  Trowa shrugged off, with some difficulty, the feeling that he was being watched, and stepped inside.

It took a while, and quite a few security checks, but he finally got to Lady Une.  She looked up from her desk only for a moment before turning back to her paperwork.

"Sorry, Trowa.  I don't need you any more."

"What?"  
"Wufei came back just this morning.  He took the mission instead," Lady Une paused in her work, thinking.  "It was odd that he came back right when we needed him, don't you think?"  
Trowa was having a hard time thinking anything.  Wufei… he must have heard their conversation.  But why would he come back?  Surely it wasn't for him.

"Wufei can't be out there!" Trowa burst out suddenly, "He's injured!"

Lady Une looked up, startled.  "How would you know?"  
"He was with me! I found him in a hospital in Houston.  He almost died, Sally didn't tell you?"  Lady Une shook her head.  She was dumbfounded.

"He said he was fine."  
"He's a Gundam pilot; he's not going to admit to an injury."  Lady Une looked up guiltily as Trowa plunged ruthlessly onward.  "I'll go after him, and take over.  Give me the mission information."

She did so without a word, and as soon as he had it, Trowa stalked out the door.  Une watched him go with interest.  They were both willing to sacrifice themselves for each other.  It would seem that each was what the other needed.  But did they realize it?

Une smiled wickedly, and rubbed her hands together.  They probably didn't, but not for long if she had anything to do with it.

Well, there it is.  Sorry it was so late… but it's all Marika Webster's fault for 'kidnapping' my muses.  Personally I think that they went willingly.

B0b and J0rge: *groan because they are so dizzy from too many cycles in the dishwasher*

LL: Serves you right for running off like that.  And see, there are worse people out there than me.

B0b and J0rge: *bow before LL* We'll never doubt your word again great mistress.

LL: Hey, that mind control stuff really works!


	12. Epilogue: Wufei

Ah, the end. *sniffles*  Parting is such sweet sorrow… but I'll be back, I promise!  B0b and J0rge will too, as soon as they get off probation for not returning my Physics teacher's slinky.

S0x: You wrote their names on the note card didn't you?

LL: Yea, but it was a cool slinky!! And I didn't want to take the blame.  Besides, what else are muses good for?

S0x: *backs off*  Yes, quite…

LL: Oh yea, and according to my Physics textbook, it's a sensuous slinky too…  I swear, my physics textbook called our lab a "sensuous activity.  Every one in the group should get to try."  I think they're trying to get us all into a mass orgy in Physics.

S0x: So I take it you have a good day.

LL: Yup!  I'm am now the proud god mother of a whole bunch of slinky babies!

S0x: O_o

Disclaimer: GW ain't mine, and S0x belongs to Marika Webster.

Thanks: Everyone who's ever reviewed, especially Marika and Emcron for all their help, and a couple of kicks in the bum when I needed it to keep writing. Love ya all.

Epilogue: Wufei

Wufei sat back with a small sigh as the shuttle left the atmosphere.  He had been away from space for too long, it would be good to get back, even if he **was** going on a risky mission.

A mission that no one knew anything about, Wufei thought wryly as he scanned, for the third time, the mission summary.  Sally Po had been sent to the L3 colony to deal with a few overly paranoid colonists, or so it had seemed.  Une had mentioned that only three days into negotiating a less restricting contract, she lost all communications with Sally.  That in itself was cause for alarm, for, unlike the Gundam pilots, Sally was religious in making her reports.  But Une hadn't known of any real trouble until three days later, when a broken SOS came in sometime in the night.  From what she had been able to make out (which wasn't much), Sally had been lured into a trap.

Wufei rescanned this part of the report, hoping for any kind of clue to help him out.  Nothing.  No coded message was hidden in the verbal printout of the file.  If Sally had been trying to double-speak, which Wufei actually thought unlikely, that whatever she had wanted to say was lost.  The worrisome part was that in the little that they had managed to decode, she had said basically nothing other than she was in trouble.  Wufei knew his partner well, and this wasn't like her.  She was overly, sickeningly through in everything she did.

"What have you gotten yourself into Sally?" Wufei said softly to himself.  Whatever it was, it wasn't going to be easy to get her out of that much was certain.  The Chinese sighed softly and lay back in his chair, rubbing absently at the scar on his chest.  It ached.  Or at least that was what he deluded himself into believing.  It may have been that that ache was coming from a source far deeper than the wound on his chest.  But if it was, Wufei didn't realize it.

The boy meticulously put away the case file knowing that he wouldn't be able to do anything else until he could thoroughly examine the recording of Sally's SOS.  Perhaps he had been a bit hasty in leaving, but he needed to get away.  For some reason, he was afraid of the look that Trowa would get him if he had caught up to him.  It was stupid, he told himself several times, to be afraid of a look, but he was no matter what he kept telling himself.

Wufei fell asleep thinking about a certain pair of emerald eyes.

*^*^*^*^*

Trowa.  Wufei had never dwelled on anything as much as he did the banged boy.  Not even killing Trieze had occupied as much of his time.  He couldn't place it, but there was something about him…

Wufei shook his head slightly, trying to clear it of these incessant thoughts.  It didn't work, but then again, he hadn't expected it to.  He really needed more sleep, he decided.

Maybe, if he could figure out what was so special about Trowa.  With other obsessions it had been obvious, he had to redeem his honor, or it was simply something he had been taught.  With Trowa it was different.  Logically, he had no reason to feel anything towards the boy, not anger, not love, not intrigue.  He was a fellow Gundam pilot, that was all.  Naturally, he would feel sorry if he died, he was a good and honorable fighter after all.  But instead, Wufei found himself taking missions in his place while he was in no condition to do so.  He risked his life so that Trowa would be in no peril.  He cared, as much as he hated it, he actually cared what happened to him.  Wouldn't the clan, especially his late wife, have a laugh if they knew that he, Wufei, actually cared about something besides his rigid ideals and his books?  And he didn't even know why.

But there had to be a reason.  Thinking back, Wufei remembered the first time that they met, at the New Edwards base when Heero assassinated the peaceful leaders of the Alliance.  He had appeared in Nataku, haughty and so confident in his skills and his righteousness, and coldly informed the Perfect Soldier of his error.  Only to a short while later, have the honor that he valued so much destroyed in one duel with the only other man that occupied his thoughts as much as Trowa did.  And then, in his ultimate shame, Trowa took him to his 'safehouse' in the circus.  He hadn't talked, hadn't asked him to talk.  He listened.  He understood.

That was, although Wufei hadn't realized it at the time, when he first began to respect the older boy.  The respect had grown.  He was a good fighter, not reckless like Maxwell, not compassionate like Winner, not Perfect, like Yuy.  He was human; he had secrets buried as deep as some of Wufei's own.  

And then Trowa had offered him a place with him again, right when he needed a silent companion the most.  He knew that Trowa would never fuss over his well being, like Sally.  Trowa simply offered him a place out of the cold, with no thought of anything in return.  Wufei had assumed that he needed nothing.

But that night, the night that had been a mistake, he found out differently.  He himself had done it because he had no one to care for, something he needed to fill the void that a life without missions had left in his soul.  Trowa … he loved, but was not loved in return.  Wufei had needed someone to love, and Trowa, someone to love him.  That had been the basis of their almost-mistake.  But they both knew that it would have solved nothing in the end.  It had almost destroyed the companionship that they had had.  And now…?

Wufei shuddered to think of what he would do now if that companionship was gone.  The void that Trowa so easily filled would be sucked dry like a ship released to the vacuum.  That was why he had suggested starting over as friends.  Maybe someday they could learn to love one another, but they needed each other too much to destroy the comfort that each got out of the other's presence to lose it all in a petty lover's quarrel.  What they had was too deep for that, Wufei was sure of it.  For that night, even though the reasons had been wrong, the actions had **felt** right.  Wufei started as he realized this.  As soon as the thought crossed his mind he knew, this was the reason that he dwelt so much on Trowa.

They belonged together.

*^*^*^*^*

Upon arriving at the L3 colony, the first thing that Wufei did was go to his hotel and set up his computer in his room.  He was a bit disturbed about what he had deduced on the plane, and, at the moment, he didn't want to think about it.  Work was the best option; he was afraid of what he would dream if he fell asleep.

Popping in the disk that Une had given him, he opened the file and began the lengthy, and dull, process of decrypting it.  The Preventers may hire some of the best computer specialists in all of space, but he was a Gundam pilot, and he knew tricks that no decent computer tech would use.  He also didn't have to worry about getting fired for being unethical.  Once the program was set up, Wufei left the computer to do it's work and went to the streets to see what he could see.

The particular L3 colony that he was on was an especially prosperous one.  It was basically one big trading post, which basically meant that he could get anything that he wanted here, from illegal weapons to purple carrots.  But Wufei wasn't looking for anything of that sort.  He preferred peas anyway.

It wasn't long before he found the embarrassingly small Preventers office.  For a moment, he toyed with the idea of reporting in like he was supposed to, but eventually decided against it.  He wanted to find out whatever else Sally had sent on that file.  Preferably a little more than, "I'm in trouble.  Send help."  Granted, he was help, and he wanted nothing more than to help his partner, but he wouldn't be much help if he found himself in the same predicament.

"Hey! You there, kid!"  Wufei turned almost lazily to the rather large man that was jogging up behind him.  He eyed him carefully, looking for weak points, just in case.

"What?"  The man stopped a few feet away, eyeing him as well.

"You're new around here aren't you?"

"Yea, so?"  Wufei crossed his arms defiantly, noticing out of the corner of his eye the two other thugs that were coming up on him from the right.  And unless he missed his guess, there was another one behind him.

"Well," continued the first man, "You wanna stay safe around here, you've gotta pay the taxes, get the drift kid?"

"And what if I don't have any money?"  Yes, there was definitely someone behind him.

"Well, then you aren't safe now are you?"  With that the other three who thought that they had been in hiding jumped out.  The innocents backed off giving them some room, but otherwise doing nothing.  It was obvious that they were used to this sort of behavior.  Wufei smirked, ducking the oncoming blows, and dealing out a few of his own.  As the three limped off, Wufei grabbed the first man, obviously the leader.

"You're wrong, I'm perfectly safe," he said with a smile before dropping the frightened man and walking off.

It was good to be back on the job.

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